is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
