i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
