I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
