I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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