come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
