Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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