Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
