My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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