i think my tv is drunk
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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