it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
