i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize