Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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