listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
