I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
