Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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