The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
