You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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