She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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