FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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