I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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