I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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