Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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