Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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