she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
