Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
