dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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