I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
