I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
