i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
