yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize