This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
