He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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