Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
