A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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