Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize