she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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