Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
