I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
