Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
