Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
