Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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