I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
