Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
