You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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