I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
