Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
