Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
