i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
