Im at strip club and am horny
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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