I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
