I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
