guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
