the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
This house was built for laser tag.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
