Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
