So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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