I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize