i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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