Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize