my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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