well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
