he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
