call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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