did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
