You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
