i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
