What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
