I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
