Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
