just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
