I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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