I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
