i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
