maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
