I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
