Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize