her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
