So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
