good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
