Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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