he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
