okay pat passed out under dana's car
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
