you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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