I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize