if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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