I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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