Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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