apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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