you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
People with herpes should wear stickers.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
