I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize