I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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