I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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