and next time when you feel me up, do it right
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize