i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
