I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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