i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
