he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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