i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
