you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
