got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
