I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
