it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
