Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
