I can't watch pbs sober anymore
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
false alarm, still single
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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