Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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