I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
