I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
