hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
